Singapore Short Story Draft 2
Singapore in the future
Year 2488. What would Singapore become…?
It had been centuries since Singapore become an underwater city long before I was born. Due to greed, our ancestors had polluted and destroyed the environment by carrying out one of the many activities such as deforestation and the building of factories to increase productivity which were very profitable back then. It was because of the booming economy which makes them great money-making opportunities. For the sake of developing the country, the people had neglected the harmful effects of such activities. Over decades, as the vehicles on the road increase, it eventually leads to a serious air pollution which causes huge masses of dark clouds to fill the sky. Thus, the environmental condition was no longer suitable to support life.
Fortunately, the scientists had predicted this outcome year ago and after years of researching, they finally invented a impenetrable bubble that prevents anything from entering it and at the same time, it is able to provide endless supply of air to support the living things surviving in it. Each special bubble also known as the ‘crystal ball’ is able to hold more than 2 million people and several bubbles were built and placed beside each other. The bubble allows people to walk through without bursting it, hence it is easy to go from one bubble to another. Scientist also invented a special suit that would allow people to move normally like in land when in water without slowing down and also able to convert dissolved oxygen into oxygen. Hence people were able to move in water freely.
When I was younger, I was always curious about what is in the outside world. My grandfather was about 20 years old when the government wanted every Singapore citizens to shift in to the ‘crystal ball ‘as the environment outside was not suitable for living. My grandfather had experienced to outside world before and I would always ask him to tell me about it. I was very interested in the outside world but my parents would not let me go out as they say that it has been polluted and the air is not fresh hence if I went out, it would be very harmful to my health. Hence for a few centuries, not a single person ever dared to go out of the water.
One day, I went out of the ‘crystal ball’ to the sea to have a swim and relax myself. While swimming, I saw a sea turtle swimming. I was interested in knowing where he was going hence I followed him. I followed him for a while not knowing where I was going. Soon, as I was swimming, I was blinded by bright light. Out of curiosity, I swam upwards trying to find the source of the light. Finally, I reached the surface and found out that the bright light was the sun. When I realised that I had went up to the shore, I was shocked and felt scared. I look around and noticed that the environment was nowhere near what people had described the outside world of. There were no black clouds in the sky and the sky was clear. I walked forward and noticed that there were a lot of green trees and also many birds in the sky. The environment must have recovered on its own when we were not around. Amazed by this discovery, I immediately went back to the ‘crystal ball’ to tell my parents about my discovery. They were shocked at first and did not believe but finally I managed to convince them to follow me. When they arrived at shore, they were shocked beyond words. They immediately went back and told people about it.
Soon, everyone knew about it. People started to leave the ‘crystal ball’ to go to shore to witness it themselves. People finally get to know what it was like in the past. Some people even started to live here on the land. Now people would be able to live in both water and land and there will not be a problem of overcrowding. I hope that our generation would take good care of the environment and not follow the footsteps of our ancestors so that our future generations can have a better environment to live in.


2 Comments:
Your story is very interesting as it is about the future, how humans survive during the year 2488. You described the "crystal ball" very well, and you also described how the people now destroyed the environment and it ultimately affected the people living in the year 2488. I find your story very interesting, however, the short story assessment is about Singapore, but you wrote that the world is now living under water. I don't think this really answers the question. Other than that, I think you did a good job.
Wei Jian, I'm glad to see you taking an interest in writing science fiction, and extrapolating from our present day into the future. Your "crystal ball" technology is evocative, if a bit inconsistent (how can they be both impenetrable and permeable?). The world-building is a bit thin here, but the best way to get around that is to show the human side of the story.
And that's really what I'm missing here. Your story is mostly told as a summary, almost like a recount; what you need to do in your rewrite for Draft #3 is to tell the narrative as a scene, leading us through it along with your narrator. Rather than spending so much space and time talking about everything that led to people living in the crystal balls, just put the reader right in the crystal ball and show how people live there.
I also have to agree with Weng Khin in that this doesn't feel very Singaporean. It could be any underwater civilization. Did Singapore drown because of global warming and rising sea levels due to the melting of the ice caps? If this takes place almost 500 years in the future, are the people there still recognizably Singaporean? (Think about the massive changes that have been made from the 1500s to the present day.)
Also, really concentrate on bringing your protagonist to life. All I know about him right now is that he's curious about the outside world. Is he discouraged by his parents, but encouraged by his grandfather? Make him feel like a real person by being specific about his motivations and desires, and you'll get your reader to really care about him.
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